I met Catherine in a crowded venue. There were many people around and I sat next to Catherine. We started talking, and I immediately felt a sense of peace about her. With many conversations happening around us I noticed how grounded and fully present she seemed, and to be honest, it was refreshing to meet someone like her. It wasn’t until weeks later I stumbled across her blog and was drawn in by her story. I asked Catherine to share a piece of her incredible journey because this is a story that needs to be shared. It’s a story of patience, heartache, God’s goodness, and redemption. I hope you’re encouraged by her words below.
I remember the day that I was at my lowest, the day I started to question everything. The song, “He’s Never Gonna Let Me Down,” was being performed at my church’s VBS. The kids all sang the words, “He’s never gonna let me down, oh He’s never gonna let me down….” And all I could think was “God, you have let me down.”
I started my period that morning and like every other time… it sucked. I was sad and I was confused. Seven out of the eight IUIs my husband and I planned to commit to did not work. The reality of one more time, maybe one more LAST time was in the horizon.
My journey of infertility was close to three years and I had become more tested than ever as we approached a crossroads. Until this point, I had always been hopeful. I always believed God would provide but I just didn’t know when or how.
And now, through all the emotions of the timeline I had given myself, hope was nowhere to be found.
For the first time during the journey, I felt hopeless.
I had no idea what the future held for me, and that may have been the hardest reality to understand. I started to think, it’s time that I start praying for the desire to be out of my heart.
Looking back at it now, it seems silly to think that I would even challenge God’s faithfulness, but I did.
I cried, I spoke with anger to my husband and close family. But, because of their faithfulness, they would not let me get angry with God. With the tears in our eyes, close family and friends urged me to pray, to believe, and to find comfort in knowing that my God would not let me down.
Over the next four weeks, I went through the motions of what another IUI entailed. The medication, the shots, the appointments, I did it all… one last time. Eight was the magic number, the number Seth and I prayed over and agreed to. The amount of IUIs that we felt we could handle and what we were comfortable investing our resources, time, and emotion into.
It was the day after the procedure of the eighth IUI when I felt peace. I had peace in knowing I did everything I felt I could do at this time in my life. I didn’t feel like I needed hope because I was at peace with whatever the outcome would be. I had faith in the life that God has given me is a part of his perfect plan and I was happy no matter what. And I said the words, “at this point, it will take an act of God for me to have children.”
Three days later, surrounded with close family, there was an unbelievable act of God.
Sturgeon William de Armas was born on July 13, 2018 and in my arms just five days later. His homecoming is nothing short of God’s provision in my life and in Sturgeon’s life. I would love for you to read the details of this miracle in my blog post, Best Vacation Ever.
Today, I share with you my story of hope, and then hopelessness. I share my story of peace during the emotional warfare. And although I sometimes feel like I am living in a dream, that this isn’t real and that maybe Sturgeon isn’t mine, I look into my baby boy’s eyes and I am reminded that God is so good.
I share my story with you because I know it isn’t easy to have hope. I know there are times we question God’s faithfulness. And I know it is easy to say, “God, why haven’t you given me the desires of my heart?”
I share my story because I want to remind you of how GREAT our God is. I want to remind you that there is NOTHING he cannot do. It can be hard to imagine his provision when all you can do is question his goodness and long for hope. But friend, God is always with you and He will never let you go. The truth is, your desires are His desires. He wants your happiness and He longs for greatness for you. If you are hurting, He is hurting with you.
As you pray for the desires of your heart, know that He is listening and when prayers are answered, there is no greater feeling.
About Catherine:
I married Seth de Armas December 13, 2014 after we met online through eHarmony. It was love at first sight! We always wanted a big family so we didn’t prevent from the get-go. It was about 9 months into our marriage that we discovered there were issues conceiving. I love my job, my dog, getting coffee with my girlfriends, and playing with my nieces and nephews. I believe that God gave me this story to encourage other women who are struggling with infertility and perhaps longing to find hope in the journey. Before starting my blog, I had the hardest time sharing my story with others, I cried just talking about prayer requests during our small group. But God gave me the words to write and through Him, I can share his faithfulness to many people. My story can be found on my blog: WaitingonmyBaby.com
*Photos taken by the lovely Emily Knuth Photography.
